Sentence Craft Report

 Sentence Craft Report

My first essay had 4-5 sentence level errors on each page. I was able to identify the errors but not sure how to correct some of them. I will show some of the mistakes including some that I am not certain how to correct. 

Problem with parenthetical statement: This is my most common source of error.

Examples:

In other words, slavery happens for a reason that slaveholders benefit from it(can use them to work without paying, saves the money for hiring workers). (page 1)

Correction: In other words, slavery happens for a reason that slaveholders benefit from it and the benefit is that they can use them to work without paying, saves the money for hiring workers.

With the reason that slaveholders enslave people out of their greediness and laziness(not willing to hire workers and work on their own), now the audience understands why slavery is evil to slaves and slaveholders do not deserve the profit from it. (page 1)

Correction: With the reason that slaveholders enslave people out of their greediness and laziness and they are not willing to hire workers and work on their own, now the audience understands why slavery is evil to slaves and slaveholders do not deserve the profit from it.

Reflection: This is my biggest mistake for every essay and I have had this problem for a long time. In the previous English class I have taken, I thought It was okay to always use a parenthetical statement. It might seem lazy but I do it because I sometimes have no idea how to connect the parenthesised words to my essay. Now I will start using as less parenthetical statements as I could because I realised parenthetical statement indicates non-important content. 

Problem with pronoun: This is a recognisable error from my essay.

Examples:

Not only who, what, where and when is slavery about, Bales suggests why slavery happens today. (page 1)

Correction: Not only answering who, what, where and when for the topic, Bales suggests why slavery happens today.

Reflection: I noticed that this is a flawed sentence because I failed to connect all the pronouns to the word “slavery”. I still am not certain how to connect the 5 W’s to “slavery”, but I will ask you(Professor Hayes) for advise as soon as I can.

On the other hand, WuDunn does not tell where her research is conducted and has only visited one person from one country as she mentions. (page 3)

Correction: On the other hand, WuDunn does not tell the research is conducted by whom and has only visited one person from one country as she mentions.

Reflection: I seldom have this kind of error and what I wrote just did not make sense!

Problem with missing possessive: This is the third most frequent error of my essay

Examples:

Moreover, the story content that she tells other than Dai Manju _ might also be altered by the mass media since she has not met the people in person. (page 3)

Correction: ’s

Despite their different topics and ideas, Bales defines his topic more effectively and is more persuasive, WuDunn_ adds up to a more effective call to action. (page 1)

Correction: 1) ; 2) ’s

Reflection: There’s actually two errors in this sentence but I found the missing ’s problem more serious. I might have missed the ’s because the sentence is quite long and I might have been confused about the sentence. It took me quite a long time to find the problem!

My strategies for further proofreading:

I believe I made some of the errors because I did not proofread carefully, so I will definitely proofread several times in the future. Also, I will try to ask tutors or my friends to proofread for me. I  will eliminate the usage of parenthetical statements. 

p.s. Thank you for reminding me that parenthetical statements make indicate non-important content!